Attachment Centred Therapy
ONLINE COUNSELLING & ATTACHMENT THERAPY IN MANCHESTER
Hello and welcome to my website
My name is Charley Shults and I provide Attachment Centred Therapy as a central aspect of Addiction Counselling, Relationship Counselling, Family Therapy and Online
and in Person in Chorlton, Manchester
Attachment difficulties show up as common problems, such as:
and many other difficulties...
I provide these internationally via Zoom, Skype, or your preferred medium. I also occasionally see clients in Manchester in person.
Attachment is the most important issue that you will ever deal with in your life. It is, literally, a matter of life or death.
Our original attachment is to our caregivers. This experience comes in the first few years of life, and even though we can’t remember it, it forms the foundation for the rest of our lives.
Three Ways of Responding
(or Goldilocks and the Three Bears)
There are three basic ways of responding to attachment needs of ourselves and others.
1.
Facts:
One is a cognitive approach that relies on facts, not feelings, for how we respond. This way is too cold.
2.
Feelings:
Another is an affective approach that relies on feelings, not facts. This way is too hot.
3.
Both Facts and Feelings:
The third was is what securely attached people do. They balance facts and feelings, and so the balance is just right!
Attachment Centred Therapy
Attachment Centred Therapy is an integrative therapy that address these issues by using a variety of techniques to suit your specific needs. Rather than a ‘one size fits all’ therapy, ACT uses multiple techniques to get the best results possible.
To find out more about how Attachment Centred Therapy can help you with your attachment needs, call me at 07507562864, or email me using the contact form.
If you want to know more about the basics of attachment, please read on. You can also learn more here.
If you have any questions and aren’t ready to contact me directly, please view my ‘Frequently Asked Questions’.
The ABCs of Attachment
There are three basic ways of relating to attachment issues. The first is ‘secure attachment.’ In this style of relating, we use our cognition and our emotions equally in an undistorted way to cooperate with others to get our needs met. We label this a ‘B’ strategy. We can call them ‘Balanced.’
The other two strategies, A and C, are what we call ‘insecure attachment.’ The perplexing thing is, you may not realize it if you are responding that way. Basically, the A strategy relies on cognition, or temporal order (cause and effect) for making decisions about relationships and other important aspects of life. They tend to deny their negative emotions and avoid confrontation. We can call them ‘Avoidant.’ The trap here is that eventually they become resentful because their needs aren’t being met, and this can lead to depression or explosive anger.
The C strategy relies on using their negative emotions to get their needs met. Because they exaggerate their feelings and don’t want to take ‘no’ for an answer, we can call them ‘Coercive.’ The trap for the C strategy is that, over time, people come to realize what the C strategist is doing and refuse to go along with it. This leads the C to escalate and can drive the other person further away.
If things aren’t going the way you want them to in your life, particularly in your close personal relationships, then maybe the problems stem from a disrupted attachment relationship in early life. The methods that I use allow us to discern what the problems and challenges are and to take corrective action. Because the needs are different for the different strategies, we need to use different techniques for correcting the errors of information processing that these distortions lead to. Insecure attachment impairs our ability to connect with other people – particularly the people closest to us who are connected to us by ties of commitment, kinship, and love.
Our first attachment relationships taught us 4 very deeply ingrained beliefs. These core beliefs are about how we relate to ourselves first of all. Next is how we know to relate to others, especially to those who are closest to us. Then comes what is called our ‘Model of the World.’ And finally, how we know to go about nurturing and caring for ourselves and others. If you are struggling with any of these, then I can help with Attachment Centred Therapy.
My location
My practice for Attachment Centered Therapy, Addiction Counselling, and Relationship Counselling is based in Manchester and within easy reach of Cheshire.
Sessions can also be held online via Zoom, Skype, or Facetime. Please contact me for further information.
Get in touch
Please contact me if you have any questions about how counselling and therapy works, or if you would like to book a session. This enables us to discuss the reasons you are thinking of coming to therapy and whether it could be helpful for you. You can also call me on 07507562864 if you would prefer to leave a message or speak to me first.
“Thank you for the work you are doing for me and for Isabella. To my surprise she has told me about her "compulsive self reliance" and even read to me some data from the website you have kindly advised to look at.... I see this... as a big step forward in her life for which I am grateful to you. We are so lucky to have a professional person like you!”
NATASHA
Frequently asked questions
It depends. If you want to have a discussion about how I work and whether it can help you, then I don’t charge for that. Those kinds of discussions usually take place by telephone or email.
If you want to meet and then decide, I am happy to do that, too, and this is the guideline that I use: If, when we meet for the first time to discuss your case, we decide not to work together, then I don’t charge for that meeting.
However, if we do decide to go forward into therapy, I regard the first session to be a working session in the same way others will be.
It depends. I have a set fee, but it changes from time to time so I tend not to publish it. Fee is one of the first things that I discuss with clients when we meet. It is important that the fee be something that you can afford. If you can’t afford my full fee then I am happy to negotiate with you for a fee that you can afford.
My favourite question, because it gives me the opportunity to use one of my favourite cliches: how long is a piece of string? A short answer would be that it lasts as long as you want it and need it to. With some of my clients, they have been with me for decades. These are families with whom I have worked in various configurations and with different generations. In some cases, the time can be quite short. Partly it will depend on how we choose to work.
With Time Line Therapy, that usually only takes a few hours. It can be concentrated or spread over a longer time. However, there are a few catches to that. First, TLT only works completely when the information is ‘neurologically accessible,’ which means that defences have been sufficiently reduced that the unconscious mind is willing to give us access so that we can do the work. That in itself can take a long, long time. Second, even though TLT is very fast, effective, and powerful, and can undo the unhelpful negative emotions from past experiences, it can’t give you the coping skills that you needed to be learning in order to deal with those situations differently. Third, once those skills are in place, most people want to go on and do more with them in therapy, to help themselves thrive.
Couple’s Therapy can likewise be time limited. In fact, I sometimes say to couples that if they will just buy the two books referenced under ‘Couple’s Therapy’ on the ‘About Psychotherapy’ page of this website, and then follow their suggestions, then they don’t need couple’s therapy. The question then becomes, ‘Why won’t or can’t people do that?’
Likewise, Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy is often presented in a time limited format, as it is a skill that can be easily learned. The problem with that is that REBT, even though it is the first and still the best form of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, in my opinion, is a tool. It is not the completed job. So even though you have been given a tool and taught how to use it, it doesn’t, per se, do the job. It is necessary, but not usually sufficient by itself.
The point of this is that Attachment Centred Therapy, being an integrative therapy, aims to use all these methods, as needed, in order to help you deal with you feelings effectively and get your needs met.
It depends. Let’s start by saying that it is 100% with people who are willing to do the work that is required. That is, the methods work, the question is, are you willing to work the method? It also depends on how far you want to go. I use Maslow’s Modified Hierarchy as my guide, since it applies to all people at whatever age and stage of development. So a client might be happy when they get their Love and Belonging needs met, and may not choose to go higher. Some might be happy just to stop feeling angry and afraid by getting their Safety and Security needs met.
Let’s put it this way: not everyone chooses to work with me. I try to be upfront about what that might entail. Not all who work with me for a bit stick around. But most do. And when they do, I have never had anyone say that they thought it was a waste of time or money. To the contrary. I have families that I have worked with for multiple generations. That is a vote of confidence. I have many referrals from current and former clients. I have many therapists and therapists in training in my current and prior caseloads. Those are all votes of confidence.
What I am sure of is that Attachment Centred Therapy is the best form of psychotherapy that I have ever come across, which is why I use it, and how I discovered it.
Perhaps the most profound aspect is that the analysis of the Adult Attachment Interview, with which we start, allows me to ‘see’ metaphorically how your unconscious mind is processing information. We can then put this knowledge together with the information from your conscious mind to develop an understanding of the problem and how to fix it by reprogramming how you process information.
Also, ACT integrates a wide range of therapeutic modalities that address all your needs in a wholistic way. And, it is unlimited, in that it can take us all the way into Self-Transcendence. Not everyone wants to go there.
It’s okay. I am not here to trick you or take advantage of you. If I wanted to do that I would still be practicing law! Just kidding, sort of. The therapeutic relationship is about me taking the lead in helping you to explore your needs and feelings. It is a natural process that takes time.
©2023 Attachment Centered Therapy is powered by WebHealer