Attachment Centred Therapy


How to save your marriage and solve conflicts

In every relationship, conflicts are bound to arise. Whether big or small, these conflicts have the potential to either weaken or strengthen the bond between partners. However, understanding how to effectively resolve these conflicts is crucial for maintaining a healthy and happy marriage. In their book, “We Can Work It Out: How to Solve Conflicts, Save Your Marriage, and Strengthen Your Love for Each Other,” Clifford Notarius and Howard Markman provide invaluable insights and strategies to help couples navigate and overcome the challenges they face.

Understanding the nature of conflicts:

Notarius and Markman emphasise the importance of recognising the underlying causes of conflicts within a marriage. They delve into various factors, such as differences in communication styles, unmet needs, and unresolved issues from the past. By understanding these root causes, couples can develop empathy and compassion, creating a solid foundation for conflict resolution.

Effective communication:

Communication lies at the heart of any successful relationship, and it plays a pivotal role in resolving conflicts. The authors stress the significance of active listening, expressing oneself without blame or criticism, and using “I” statements to convey emotions effectively. By mastering these communication techniques, couples can foster understanding, openness, and trust, which are essential for resolving conflicts in a healthy manner.

Finding common ground:

Notarius and Markman emphasise the importance of finding common ground amidst conflicts. They provide practical tools to help couples identify shared values, goals, and aspirations. By focusing on shared interests, couples can collaborate instead of competing, creating win-win solutions that strengthen their bond and deepen their love for each other.

Resolving unresolved issues:

Unresolved issues from the past can often resurface and contribute to conflicts in a marriage. The authors offer guidance on how to address and heal these lingering wounds. By acknowledging past hurts, practising forgiveness, and seeking professional help when needed, couples can break free from negative patterns and create a healthier and more fulfilling future together.

Building a stronger love:

Notarius and Markman emphasise that conflicts, when resolved effectively, have the potential to strengthen the love between partners. By facing and overcoming challenges together, couples develop resilience, deepen their understanding of each other, and foster a stronger emotional connection. The authors provide exercises and strategies to help couples cultivate love, appreciation, and gratitude, ensuring that their relationship continues to flourish. If you wish to find out more about please contact Charley at


In “We Can Work It Out: How to Solve Conflicts, Save Your Marriage, and Strengthen Your Love for Each Other,” Clifford Notarius and Howard Markman present a comprehensive roadmap for couples seeking to navigate conflicts and build a stronger, more loving relationship. By understanding the root causes of conflicts, practising effective communication, finding common ground, and resolving unresolved issues, couples can transform conflicts into opportunities for growth and intimacy. This book is an invaluable resource for couples looking to work together, overcome challenges, and create a lasting and fulfilling marriage. Remember, with the right tools and mindset, you can work it out!

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